I'm referring to the concept of courtesy. To be honest, I must admit that I was not used to being courteous during my childhood days.
Courtesy was limited to the mandatory wishes of Good morning/afternoon at school and a Thank you sometimes when a relative chose to buy you a gift.
It was a cultural shock for me first when I moved to college. I studied in a college right in the middle of Tamil Nadu in a lush green city called Thanjavur (Tanjore). People there were extremely courteous and I'm referring to fellow students and hostel mates hailing from rural areas or other places that were not Madras (the capital city where I hail from)
Everyone addressed each other with the respect they accorded an elder. I was first taken aback at this rather undue respect I was getting from friends and alike.
The practice I thought would change over the years once we got to know each other better. Boy, I was wrong. Their language stayed the same right through.
I was initially ashamed at myself for being such an uncouth and for using a friendly language (with da's and other innuendos) while I was being some strange respect.
Soon, I picked up the 'skill' and started speaking in the same tongue as the other. Now, speaking of tongues, each district in Tamil Nadu has its own dialect of Tamil and each one spoke with a characteristic vernacular accent. Soon enough, I was using the same vernacular by closely watching them.
Fast forward 2001 and I returned from my stint abroad slogging for an NRI. Back home , all smiles that I don't have to go to a foreign land again, made the first mistake .
I said 'Thank you' to the customs officer who cleared my passport and 'officially' let me into the country.
He stared back and said with his eyes 'Move on'..
The hanger in my mouth (of course the silly smile) vanished in a sec and I was glum.. 'Did I say anything wrong.. ?" i asked myself.
I moved on thinking to myself and shrugged it off when I could not find a sane reason.
This trend continued.. I was driving to work and stopped at an intersection and waved the other car to go. I did this with a smile.
Here is what happened. The other car passes slowly with the driver giving an intent look at me and he stops the car sticks his head out of the window and stares at me with a nasty look on his face..
Him: 'Enna...'.. (What?)
Me: Onnum illaye... (Nothing ).. smiling
Him: Pinna .. ennathukku kaya kaya aatina?(Then why did you shake your hands)
Me: Illa neenga ponga .. piragu naan poren'u sonnen (I just said you go first and I will follow you)
Him: Aan... enakku poikka theriyumm..nee onniyum sollitharavenaa... puriyudha... oyinga poi seru.. summa.. .. kaalila torture pannitu.. (you dont have to teach me how to go.. I will find my way.. understand?.. torturing me in the morning)..
Me: Stunned into silence
Fast Forward 2009: The door bell rang and a stranger stood opposite me.
Him: Edhir flat watchman sir naanu (I'm the watchman from opposite flat)
Me: seri.... (Ok.. )
Him: Sir'dhaan seceratary'a (Are you the secretary?)
Me: aama (yes)
Him: Unga flat'la car parking free'a irukku illa.. adhula enga flat vandi vittukalaama (You have unused car parking slots in your building. Can we rent it)
Me: Illaenga.. enga association'la adhukku anumadhi kedayaadhu.. mannikanum.. ennaala thanippata muraila endha maatru mudivum solla mudiyaadhu.. mannikanum (Our association does not allow for outside vehicles to be parked in our premises. Please accept my apology for not being able to help you. I do not have any special authority to overrule residents wishes even I'm the secretary. Please accept my apologies)
Him: Saar.. enna solreenga neenga periya vaarthayellam. (Why are you speaking big words.. apologies and all)
Me: .... (...)
Him: Seri sar naan varen (Ok sir, I will leave now)
Me :Ok
Whats with courtesy in this country? are not watchmen, electrician eligible for respect? What's wrong if a watchman or an electrician or a plumber is accorded a respect due for say, a neighbour? Why do we have such a graded system of respect.
We have one level for neighbours, another for watchmen and drivers. yet another for our children's school principal. yet another special one for according one who is about to take a decision on subject of our interest. such as the driving inspector before the driving test. The college principal when asking for a seat, the bank manager before a loan.
While I wrote of the unexpected reactions from people for courtesy they did not expect, I did not write about those that people expect, like in the situations I have explained above. They would be rather unsavory and i chose to leave them out. You can imagine what it would have been.
I dream of a day not too distant in future when every Indian accords the basic courtesy and respect to others irrespective of the nature of the work they do or the region of the country they belong to or the position they hold in an organization or their current disposition to our cause.
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